Difficult adjustments threaten our oneness. The first adjustment we will consider is Contrasting backgrounds. We grow up in homes with different value systems.
On our first night in our first apartment as we got ready to get into bed, I sat on the bed to get my shoes off… I heard my husband say “One doesn’t sit on a bed.” Well that was news to me. I was allowed to sit on my bed growing up, my husband on the other hand was taught it was a no-no. We could fortunately sort that one out – we now both sit on our bed!
- Vocational pressures can bring about a slow drifting apart.
- Even religion can become an issue.
- And then we differ on how we spend money – my husband says I am a magician – I make our money disappear.
Another adjustment that can cause problems is that we have differing expectations about marriage: we could, for example, differ on the roles of men and a women in marriage. We could differ in how we show affection and love. We can have vastly different expectations on sexual performance.