To summarize last week’s episode: we said that there are mainly 3 barriers to good communication and understanding – TIME, TRUST and TRANSPARENCY.
To reach transparency we need commitment and trust. One of our deepest fears is the fear of rejection. 1 John 4:18 reads – ‘There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.’
Understanding increases with deeper levels of communication. Let us look at John Powell’s 5 levels of communication.
The first level is the CLICHÉ level.
‘Hi, how are you?’ ‘Fine thanks!’
We speak but do not share anything about ourselves. The result is that we remain isolated and alone.
Then we come to the FACT level.
‘A great day isn’t it?’
We share facts but expose nothing about self. Couples living in isolation will communicate mainly on this level.
Thirdly we have the OPINION level. We share ideas and opinions, but nothing of our feelings.
‘The Cheetahs is the best rugby team!’
We then come to the EMOTION level. This is ‘gut level’ communication where I share my feelings, desires, hopes, etc.
Lastly, we reach the TRANSPARENCY stage. Here we share our hearts, the real me!
‘I need you’, ‘I feel so alone’, ‘I am afraid I might lose my job’.
This level requires a deep degree of trust and commitment.
GOOD MARRIAGES THRIVE IN LEVELS 4 & 5. John Powell believes that about 70% of couples seldom move beyond levels 1,2 and 3.
Open your hearts and minds to one another, it is worth more than you can imagine!