After about 10 years of being single and celibate, living a very contented life, I met someone at church. He joined our small group and we started dating. He seemed to be a mature Christian and a true follower of Christ. Someone even said “he really seems to be sorted out”. But we didn’t get to know each other and we got married about four months after we met.
In hind sight, we were too hasty to get married. We were both in our forty’s and didn’t want to wait too long. But I really didn’t know the person I married. I wasn’t being realistic about the relationship. We were spiritualising everything – how we met, how God brought us together, how our lives connected, that we are meant for each other etc.
The lessons I have learnt for marriage, is to get to know each other really well. Become friends, pay attention to the warning signs and red flags like being argumentative, controlling, selfish, pressing for sex etc. Introduce the person to your friends and family and listen to their comments. Be careful to spiritualise things and to justify feelings and events from the Bible. Use your common sense. Although as Christians we need to trust God for a partner, we should be sober and clear headed in our choices. Being in love blinds us and it is difficult to see the facts.