Find ways to spend time together, without other distractions. Have fun. Go for walks, hikes, coffee, dinner out – all without the children. Or go away someplace for a day or a weekend where you can connect and talk about topics other than work, current conflicts or even children. Be creative with what fits you and your personalities.
My husband Ken and I try to take 15-20 minutes every day to play a backgammon match – but no gambling! We are very competitive, but we laugh a lot and the relaxed environment allows us to occasionally speak about more serious issues at the same time.
Another thing Ken and I have done for most of our 36 years is to read books together. We usually go out for coffee to eliminate the distractions of our home, and read a portion of the book, then discuss the contents. It has generated great discussions that sometimes go on for days. It has helped us see into each other’s hearts and has drawn us closer together.
Building into the relationship takes time but will prevent many conflicts from even happening.